


A Soft Winter

by Living_Fast



Series: Holding the world in my palms, it's you. [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Christmas is one of my favorite time of the year, Just some soft fluffy stuff to satisfy, M/M, Thomas and Gilbert are twins, Time - Freeform, and panic attacks, i dont know what this is, i was bored, its christmas - Freeform, mentions of self harm, my carving for Jamilton, this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-15 19:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13038150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Fast/pseuds/Living_Fast
Summary: Five times Alexander and Thomas spent Christmas together, One they where married, Three times they wheren't together and One time they where.





	1. Chapter 1

1\. -The first Christmas-

Alexander rubbed his arms the short sleeve shirt he was wearing was not a good choice for winter wear. It's not like he was the idiot who light something on fire in the dorm building. On Christmas Eve, Alexander shivered trying to keep the inside of his arms to his chest. He moved again, rubbing his legs together.

He looked to be glaring at everything, seeing as he was missing his glasses. "You look a little Cold there Hamilton." The Virginia voice came from behind him, Alexander Stiffened even more. He was already high strung with out his meds and the cold wasn't helping any. 

"What's it too you." He snapped turning around, the gentle fall of snow starting up again. Jefferson looked far better off then Alexander did. A hoodie on, Sweat pants, tennis shoes, a scarf and a Beanie. All Alexander was wearing was his sleep shirt, flannel pajama pants, and a pair of old crappy sneakers. 

The much taller man rolled his eyes scowling at Alexander. "It'd be a pity if you got sick because you where poorly prepaid to stand in the snow." Alexander brissled, glaring at him. "I'm not like you people, I've only seen and known what snow looked like for a year." He growled making sure that Thomas could remember that he was an immigrate.

Thomas looked Alexander up and down, worry suddenly filling his chest. He walked closer to Alexander who took a step backs. "Okay in all seriousness, Alexander why are you shaking so hard." Thomas asked, his voice going soft. Alexander herd the switch from Rivel to friend, "I'm not used to the Cold, see." With out thinking about it he stood on his toes and pressed his hands to Thomas cheeks. 

The taller to the two let out a sharp gasp at Alexander frezzing hands. He grabbed them removing them from his face. "Alexander why didn't you put on proper clothing and your glasses?" Alexander's already red face grew a darker shade. "Because I was sleeping. For once." He mumbled, Thomas pulled his car keys from his pocket. "Let's go to my car and get you warm." Thomas pulled Alexander across the parking lot to the only magenta car in sight. 

Thomas opened the car door for Alexander, he opened the trunk for a spare blanket or two that he kept in there. Closing it he opened the drivers side, before climbing in. Turning on the car Thomas handed the blankets to Alexander. Who looked at Thomas with the wides eyes full of thankfulness and anxiety. 

Thomas smiled gently at him, turning the car on. And putting the heat on, both sat in silence, something not everyone thought Alexander Hamilton was capable of. He warned to just go back to sleep only he hadn't had any of his meds, or that he couldn't really sleep with out sleeping pills. 

Thomas starting humming Christmas Carols under his breath, Alexander with heavy eyes he hummed along. after a while a quiet Merry Christmas left Alexander's lips as the green clock turned 12:00. 

Thomas looked over at Alexander before gathered what energy he had left. Reached over across the consoul tipping Alexander's head toward him. Pressing a kiss to his lips, to his surprise Alexander kissed back softly. "Merry Christmas." He breathed into the kiss. 


	2. Chapter 2

2\. -A Blizzard- 

Thomas stacked wood against the wall in the living room, a light smell filled the room. Thomas laughed as Alex's moving form making cookies in the kitchens as well as Hot Choclate and Coffee. He was moving to his own music, Thomas absolutely love Alexander. His little ticks and short temper, every little peace of him. The soft voice he had in the mornings that was normally french instead of English. The accent he hid most of the time, and his smile. 

The best Christmas present he would ever have was Alex. His Alexander. the one thing that was turly making this Christmas blizzard warm. Alexander looked up as if noticing Thomas's gaze on him finally. The smile that stretched across the small mans face made Thomas's heart jump. "I hate snow." Alexander huffed watching the cold abomination fall in white waves, "It's so..." Thomas walked into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Alexander's waist. "Cold, wet, Cold." He teased, pressing a light kiss to his lovers cheek.

Alexander let out a giggle relaxing into his embrace, "Sprinkles or Marshmallows Tommy?" Thomas waved his hands at both, hiding his smile in Alexander's hair. Small hands grabbed the bag of Marshmallows and the red and green sprinkles. A small smile spread across his face again. He grabbed the mugs of Hot Coco off the counter while Thomas grabbed the plate of Cookies. It was only 11:54 p.m Christmas Eve. Alexander breathed deeply and burrowed into the blankets on the couch. Thomas laughed before pulling the small man to his chest, placing a kiss to his forehead. Picking up a discarded French novel, he read along out loud in a quiet voice. Alexander sipped the hot Chocolate and listened to him talk, and the crackle of the fire. 

The Grandfather Clock struck midnight, Alexander whispered out a "Merry Christmas Love." Thomas smiled pressing a kiss to Alexanders scalp, "Merry Christmas Darlin'." Alexander turned around and kissed Thomas. Both pressed there foreheads together, before the gentle wash of comfortable silence washed over them. 

Alexander put his empty cup down curling up pulling the blanket closer. Thomas watched the fire flicker for a moment, eyes straying to the snow falling outside... Before back to the book. Thomas kept reading out loud I tell he could heard Alexander's breathing even out and his whole body relax completely. "Sleep well Doll." 


	3. Chapter 3

3\. -Sneezes and Baths-

Alexander sneezed into his arm, eyes watering. It's bad enough he is as sick, his boss also made them work on Christmas Eve. He just wanted to go back to the small apartment to his boyfriend and sleep. He sluggishly picked up his things, shut down his laptop and headed to his bosses office. 

"Sir?" The short stumpy man looked up from his phone, "Yes Hamilton." Alexander curled his hands together, "I'm headed out for the night, just in case you need me I'll be leaving." The short man glared, standing up. Sadly Alexander's 4'8 stature was short then the 5'2 man. So he had too look up, "I Think not you still have things I need you to do." Alexander felt the anger creep up, "It's late and I will be taking my leave. If you excuse me." Alexander snarled, turning to leave. "If you step a foot out of that door your fired Hamilton." Alexander a nagging thought told him he didn't need the job and could find a new one. 

 

 Alexander walked into the small apartment, with a soft sigh. The smell of Chocolate Cip cookies filled his senses, with a small cough Thomas was alerted of his presence. The tall man rounded the corner with a light smile on his face, he waited tell Alexander put his things down. Wrapping Alexander in a hug he pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm going to take a shower." Thomas made a noise of disagreement, "How about a bath, you're sick let me take care of you for once Love." Alexander mumbled out a light complaint, but nuzzled into Thomas's embrace. "Okay." 

Alexander sat with his back against Thomas's chest, warm water sloshed around them. Thomas rubbed shampoo in Alexander's long hair and washed it out gently. Alexander didn't understand how baths or showers where supposed to make you feel better when you where sick. To be honest Alexander felt worse.  

Thomas rinsed Alexander's hair, before getting out of the tub. "I'll be right back Darlin' don't fall asleep." He could see the sleepless nights catching up to the small sick man. Thomas dried off before pulling on his underwear and sleep pants. Walking to the Landry room and pulling out a set of warm towels from the dryer. 

Alexander was still in the tub when he got back. "Come on." He pulled Alexander out and wrapped him in the towel, watching the short man practically purr at the warmth. Drying off his hair Thoma handed Alexander one of Thomas's sweaters and a pair of Fuzzy Pajama pants.

Thomas went around turning off lights before crawling in to bed, Alex snuggled(Fucking love that word) into his side. A sleepy goodnight fell of Thomas's lips, and normally on nights like these all he would get was a soft noise back. But a  small almost not noticeable "Love you, Tommy." fell of his lips. Thomas smiled, "love you Ally." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas just reflects on His and Alexander's relationship. It's slightly Angsty but it gets softer toward the end... I think

4\. -Christmas Party-

 

Thomas smiled at Alexander as he talked with Thomas's Twin Gilbert, Hercules Gil's boyfriend was laughing at something someone said. Thomas Turned back to James, "You should just ask him already." James said taking a drink of his Coffee, Looking pointedly at Alexander. Thomas shook his head, "No, Alex is still insecure about a lot. Askin him to Marry me would Probably chase him away, and I don't want that." James huffed lightly, eyes softening as he did. "I understand it's just frustrating to watch you two sometimes. Your so in love yet your both so scarred of moving too fast." It was so true it hurt, Alex unlike his first appearance was jumpy and easily hurt and terrified. 

He was tense most of the time, when he did relax he was still strung out and easily got guarded again. It took Thomas months of patiences and persistents, for Alexander to even cuddle with him for long periods of time.

Alexander still had trouble with taking the proper medication he need after Thomas told him he'd pay for it, Alexander had cried when he told him that. Just stared at Thomas for a long time before bursting into tears. 

Thomas remember being the first too say I Love You... and god he thought he killed the 4'8 man. Alexander had shifted uncomfortably before Thomas told him he didn't need to say it back tell he was ready. It took over a year but he finally said it, even if he was sick just got laid off on his job and was tired. He woke up and said it again and again. 

Thomas remember when he found out Alexander cut, back in Collage. He found Alexander sitting in his bathroom, blood running down his arms. Thomas had almost freaked out, by the end of that day Thomas had Cleaned up all of Alexander's cuts pressed a kiss to Alexander's wrists. Sat the small boy in his lap and asked him why. Alexander shook had slightly before words fell off his lips, a whole story. Thomas listened to all of it before placing both hands on the sides of the crying man's face brushing the tears away. Whispered it would be okay, that everything would be okay in the end because he wasn't going anywhere. 

He remembered Alex's smile when Thomas felt like a failure, remembered Alex dancing with him in the living room, remembered Alex's laughter when Thomas tripped over the couch. Remembered when Thomas gave him a Kitten a small mix breed shecat that had Alexander in tears. 

Thomas looked up at the small man he was so in love with, a pain in his chest at the fear of losing him. "Ally!" Thomas yelled over the music, smirking at the confused looks he got. Alexander's eyes found his and the smile that was on his face already dubbled in size, waving at his friends he walked across the room. Alexander plopped himself in Thomas's open lap, before hesitating to grab the full mug of hot chocolate Thomas held out to him. 

Pressing a kiss to Alexander's cheek, he still talked to James as He felt Alexander relax completely. Arms wrapped around his waist, pressing a light kiss to Alexander's cheek. Alexander hummed snuggling(still fucking love that word) closer sleep falling over his mind like the fluffy green and gold blanket Thomas bought him on the day he claimed as his birthday. "You ready to go, Ally?" A small hum was his answer, as Alexander Slowly was lost to sleep. "I'll see you later James. Coffee sometimes next week?" Madison nodded "Merry Christmas be safe."  as Thomas shifted his hold on Alexander holding the man like a small child. 

Thomas sent a small nod in the direction of Gilbert, who waved good bye before sliding back into his conversation. Alexander clung to Thomas letting himself be carried, Thomas grabbed him coat and Alex's. Thomas set Alexander down holding his Coat out to him Alex shrugged it on and reached up at Thomas like a toddler demanding to be held. Snorting softly at his Smaller lovers actions he picked up Alex and opened the door. 

Alex and Thomas both in pajamas, curled together in bed. Alex's face pressed into The curve of Thomas's Neck, basking in the soft attention. Something he wished he was used too, not yet intently. But he was getting there.

"Stop thinking so much, just sleep Baby." Thomas whispered into his scalp, Alex closed his eyes and breathed in deep before letting himself relax. 

"Merry Christmas." He mumbled. 


	5. Chapter 5

5.-The warmth of Love-

Alexander laughed lightly cheeks flushed still from the cold, a cup of apple cider in his hand. A smile stretched across his face, he was talking to Washington. They two planned to put together a law firm soon. As much as Alex like politics he knew when it was enough, just light chat. Thomas was off somewhere, he didn't know where but he knew Thomas would find him soon. {"Little Lion!} there you are Thomas wants to see you!" Alex turned towards Gilbert as the Frenchman dragged Alexander into the hallway, and down to a small empty study. 

Lafayette shoved Alex into the room before locking it, and running off. Thomas stood in the center, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. A nervous smile on his face, Alex crossed the room stoping a few feet in front of his boyfriend. You could pretty much feel the anxiety in the room, Alex shift uncomfortable with the air. His hands suddenly curled together, he hated it when either himself or Thomas got nervous. It sent Alex's anxiety sky rocketing, "Tommy?" His tone was light and scared. "I umm... well... Alexander, we have been dating sense Sophomore year of Collage. And I've been in love with for so long, I'm tied of introducing you as my Boyfriend," Thomas pulled a small velvet box from his pocket, "I would rather introduce you as my Husband." Alex watched with wide eyes as Thomas got down on one knee, a small noise of surprise came out of his mouth.

"Yes, yes oh god yes." He nodded his head, Thomas slipped the ring on his finger and Wrapped him in a Hug. Kissing Alex Softly, Alex was crying burying his face in Thomas's neck. 

"Yes." 


	6. Chapter 6

6\. -Almost Alone on Christmas-

Alexander rubbed his eyes before picking up his Cat Lupa, and walked into his office. Thomas had been out almost all day his anxiety had held him on a extremely short rope all day. He sat down behind his computer instead of opening it, he turned towards the small stack of books on the ground. Picking up the one on top and opened it. After another hour of no Thomas Alex was getting even more worried.

He knew Thomas wasn't out with someone else, he knew his Husband better then that. Thomas had been home that morning they opened the small amount of presents the two had under the tree before leaving the tiny apartment after they cleaned up and had breakfast.

Now it was 8pm, Alex had spent the day trying to keep his mind off everything. Talked to Maria and Eliza for an hour, talked to Gilbert and Hercules for a while, Skyped Angelica and James, and John had called about an hour ago with Peggy. It still wasn't enough he really wanted Thomas and it was making him extremely anxious for him to be left alone for so long.

Alex slammed the book down scaring Lupa and Max, a snowshoe tomcat, who had walked in a couple minutes ago. He'd been starting at the same page for the last 6 minutes almost. Standing up, He flipped the light switch off and went to the bedroom. Diging threw Thomas's drawer for a shirt of an old discarded hoodie. Finding a large sweater in the bottom, he grabbed it and pulled it over his head.

Crawling into bed burying himself under all the blankets and pillows on it. He tried to fall asleep, his insomnia holding him in a tight grip. Alex didn't hear the door open or the sound of someone pulling off their shoes or the sound of keys being dropped into a bowl. He didn't hear someone enter the bedroom, change clothes before the covers where removed and his name was whispered through the air. "Ally. Hey can you get up for me?" Alex turned over and looked up at Thomas who was hovering over him. Alexander made a noise of discomfort in the back of his throat, hands reaching up to be picked up. "I know I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do gone for so long. I just couldn't find what I was looking for." He picked up Alexander before setting him on the ground and pulling him along into the living room.

He dropped Alex's hand and opened a small bag on the ground. He then pulled out a small set of pictures, "I've been digging around for awhile and found these... thought you'd want them." He handed the pictures to Alex, who flipped through the pictures tears sparking in his eyes. He hadn't seen these things in forever, pictures of his Mother and Jamie his older brother. Both where dead now, but it meant a lot more to Alex then anything. "How did you find these I thou-" Thomas smiled at him, cuping Alexander's face with his hand. "George helped after we spent a while digging through the stuff that you left over at Gilberts we found a lot of Pictures. We thought you'd want these before the others." Thomas whispered before gently taking the pictures from Alexander and placed them on the counter. "Let's get some sleep and frame them in the morning."

Alex nodded letting himself be picked up, he was too tired for anything and all the pent up anxiety suddenly let go full force leaving him tired and felling like a small child.

"Love you Tommy."

"Love you too Ally."


	7. Chapter 7

7\. -A phone call once more-

Alexander laid across the small couch, listening to The sound of people talking. He had been dragged here instead of them letting him stay at his Town house he and Thomas lived in. And for the next two years it would only be Alex in the house.

Thomas was off in France making a name for himself, and Alexander had told him to go. He couldn't go with him, it would put a stop to everything he was doing here. Also he couldn't leave the United States just yet his Visa wouldn't allow him. 

So this was one of the loneliest Christmas's he'd ever had. Even if he was around people he called family. It just wasn't the same, he really wanted Thomas. I mean the ring on his finger meant the world to him.

George came into the room holding a phone to his ear, he looked around for a moment before locking his eyes on Alex's curled up form. Facing the back of the sofa, a blanket dropped over his body. "Thomas, I'm sure there is someone you need to call." A pause of silence on the other end, "I've tried Alexander won't answer his phone." George looked at Alexander again, a worried look crossing his face. "Here." George crossed the room and sat on the end of the couch, tapping Alex's side making the small man look up at him. George handed him the phone before standing up and walking away.  

"Hello?" 

"Hey Ally..." 

Alex sat up. "Tommy!" 

A light Laugh came from the other end, "Yes?" Alexander pushed the blanket off his legs before standing up and walking out of the room and into an empty study. Small chatter followed him, Thomas asking about the Law firm. Alex asking about France and how well things where going for him. Neither said anything about how much longer Thomas would be gone. 

Alex looked down at the phone the red blare of 3% in the corner made Alex pout. "George's Phones about to die." He whispered, "What happened to your phone?" Alex gulped, shifting. "I-umm... threw it against a wall the other day." 

"Why?" 

"I got frustrated... and it was the closest thing." 

"What did you get frustrated about?" Thomas's tone was soft. 

"Myself, and the fact that it's too empty at home." He answered after a long pause of silence. 

"I'm sorry baby. I'm trying my hardest to get back. Just things keep popping up one after another." Alex mumble a I understand and gentle love you after. "I love you too... call me when you get your phone fixed." Thomas and Alex Sat in silence for a while longer neither wanting to hang up...

"I love you." And the phone died. 


	8. Chapter 8

8\. -Alone In Paris-

Thomas sat in front of the fire place, hands wrapped around a cup of cooling Coffee. Peppermint mocha Alex's favorite drink on the planet, Thomas's eyes where closed the numbers on the screen just went black as His phone died. The hour and hours of talking neither really tried to talk about how much longer Thomas would be in Paris, or the fact that Alexander was slipping away from the reality. 

Thomas huffed as he stood up putting the coffee on the table and plugging in his phone. A sadness clung to him like a blanket, and followed him around. Thomas looked at the small clusters of Photos sitting on the small cabinet. Pictures of Their wedding, Hercules and Gilbert Laughing as Herc shoved cake in Gilberts face. Thomas's mother and his little sister. Most of the pictures where of Alex, him sleeping on the couch after a night of working, millions of pictures of moments that Alex was caught off gaurd. 

Pressing a hand against the wall, and rubbing his temples. Letting out a light sigh, he still had things to do and presents to mail. He knew he'd skype Alexander soon, the battery life of both their phones wasn't enough time. They'd come up with a stupid system that worked surprisingly and it left both even more empty then before the call. It made every part of them burn with the need to hold the other. More the once did Thomas get a call of a crying Alexander practically screaming through sobs at everything. Before Thomas even got the chance to calm him down, his voice always soft and calm. After a while he would calm down and the two would sit in silence tell one would fall asleep or small talk fell between the screen. 

Thomas was getting increasingly lonely and even if he had family in Paris, he just felt so alone with out his smaller half. 

He sent a small text to Alexander after his phone turned on Knowing he had talked Alex to sleep. "Merry Christmass, Love you Ally." Before looking over at the window, and letting out a small upset sound. 

Yes, he tryly was alone in Paris


	9. Chapter 9

9\. -Alone in New York-

Alexander closed his eyes running his hands through Max's fur, Lupa was laying on Thomas's side on the bed. Alexander was so tired of everything, he just wanted to book a flight to Paris and go see Thomas. Spend the rest of the time in France with the love of his life and just hold him. An angry frustrated spell filled Alexander's mind, as his hand curled around the bed sheet. Tears gathered in his eyes and he sat up, moving to the bathroom he washed his face before. Crawling back in bed, he closed his eyes burying himself blankets. Hands recurring in Max's fur, he heared the claws on the wood floors. Ram the rescue dog Alexander gifted to Thomas the summer before he left for France. Over four years ago, you could tell the dog knew Alexander was greatly upset and that one of the people in the home was going to be gone for much longer. 

Alexander woke up early thr next day sliding out of the bed mumbling a small Merry Christmas to himself. Sluggishly walking into the living room, then into the kitchen. Reaching up to grab a coffee cup out of the cabinet, almost falling over he got the cup out Cabinet. Before turning on the coffee maker, and waiting for it to warmup. As he waited he fed all three pets sent Thomas a text and told Gilbert he was awake and about to take his pills. A knock on his door and a bark from Ram told him either Maria was there or John. Opening the door to Maria holding a bag and a huge smile on her face, "Morning Alex!" Alexander gentle pushed Ram out of the way, letting Maria in. 

Alexander sat on the couch Ram's head in his lap, Max and Lupa on the cat tower in the corner. A book in his hands that he couldn't seam to get past page 498, frustration rose in his stomach. Alexander put the book

down, eyes closed taking a deep breath. Hands shaking slightly in fury. He just wanted Thomas, wanted to fill the empty space in his chest. 

Yes Alex thought, even in a home full of warmth and pets. It was too empty in the busy streets of Manhattan. He was truely alone in New York. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANDDDD THATS A WRAP

10\. -Home at last-

Thomas was picked up at the air port on Christmas Eve, by his twin and Hercules. He was grumpy wanted to sleep in his own bed and see his husband. "I've been in this car for an hour too long. You have driven past the last three exists that go into the general area that I live in." Thomas Snapped arms crossing over his chest both men jumped slightly at the harsh words. "Sorry Thomas, just Alexander hasn't been very stable as of late and we jus-" Thomas sat up straighter, eyes narrowed. "Take me home... Now." His tone was sharp and angry.

As soon as the car was parked Thomas was out of the car and up the stairs. Slipping in his key he opened the door, A headed shot up and turned toward the door. "Thomas!?" The smaller man was off the couch and running across the room. "Alexander. Hey Darlin'." Thomas pulled the crying man into his arms peppering his face with kisses. Both sinking too their knees, Thomas holding Alex's face in his hands Alexander's hands on Thomas's arms. Tears spilled over both crying, and spluttering. Alexander harder then Thomas but that was expected.

Gilbert and Hercules stood in the door way watching them both silently agreed as they set the bags on the ground and closed the door and walked out.  

Alexander and Thomas Curled around each other Alexander clutching to Thomas tightly as if worried he might disappear on him. Thomas hold Alexander in a tight possessive grip that was easing all of Alexander's worries away slowly. 

"Oh god i love you." Thomas's Whispered over and over again. 

Alexander just cried pressing his face into Thomas's neck. 

Home again.


End file.
